When
a non-reader becomes a reader, the dynamics and relationships in
the family sometimes undergo changes that the family members may
not be prepared for.
What happens to a family
when a non-reader becomes a reader? The answer to this questions
seems obvious doesn't it?
The family is overjoyed,
proud, delighted. Of course!
But when a non-reader
becomes a reader, the dynamics and relationships in the family may
undergo changes that the family members were not prepared for.
At the Stowell learning
Center, we work with children and adults with a variety of learning
disabilities and a varying degree of severity. Our goal for students
is always that they will leave us comfortable, independent
learners.
For students with more
severe reading disabilities, the road from being a dependent learner
to an independent learner may bring with it some unexpected
emotions or challenges. The following is a summary
of some of the emotional issues that challenge the process of going
from non-reader to reader. If families are aware of these, it may
help make the way smoother and more efficient.
- Growing Independence
An individual who is a non-reader (or very poor reader) may, by
necessity, become dependent on parents, siblings, or spouse to
negotiate the world of print for him/her. As reading
becomes easier, the help sometimes feels hurt by the new reader's
growing independence. Being aware that this may
occur, helps the family to celebrate the changes instead of feeling
threatened by them.
- Fear of success
An issue that we sometimes see with students either at the very
beginning of their program, or as they are becoming more capable
with reading and writing, is the fear of success. We have had
students, both children and adults, who, while they truly desire
to become independent readers, are fearful of the
changes they might bring.
One very bright nine year-old non-reader expressed that he was
afraid to learn to read because it would change him into somebody
else. He might not be himself anymore. Maybe people wouldn't like
him or be willing to help him anymore. We took things very
slowly. We encouraged him that we would never want
to take away his thinking style; only give him tools that would
make things easier. Gradually, he was able to get over that barrier
and began to read.
Another, more common fear of success that we have seen with children
and adults seems to happen a little later in the program when
they actually have gotten to the point that they have some fairly
solid tools for reading and writing. These students have expressed
the concern that if they can read or write, people
won't help them anymore. They might be expected
to do things that are too hard or too long. Just saying they can't
is often a more comfortable solution than facing the possibility
of being overwhelmed.
When a child is a non-reader, parents often do the reading for
them or get books on tape for them so that they can still continue
to participate in grade level curriculum at school. As these children
begin to read, they must be encouraged to gradually
take over more and more of the reading themselves,
at the same time keeping in mind that reading will require a great
deal of energy for awhile.
To help students to begin to use their skills without becoming
completely overwhelmed, it is helpful for parents to "share" the
reading with them. Parameters can be set up such as: The child
has to start reading at the top of each page or the beginning
of each section, but is allowed to stop and switch with the parent
when he gets tired.
In this way, the student is using his skills, but the parent is
still doing the bulk of the reading. As the child becomes more
competent, the parameter could be changed so that the child reads
a paragraph and the parent reads two, or the child and the parent
alternate reading paragraphs or pages. As they become more comfortable
and reading takes less energy, children become more willing to
take over more and more of the reading.
- Changing Expectations
Some students are so used to being non-readers or dependent readers
that they continue to view themselves that way, even
as their reading begins to develop. Family members,
also, are used to thinking of the student in this way and may
help perpetuate the low expectations.
When an individual in a family has traditionally not
been able to read or write, other members of the family take over
those functions for him/her. The family members
learn that they need to read menus, write checks, read signs,
and/or give a tremendous amount of assistance on reading and writing
homework. It is not uncommon for family members to continue performing
these functions, and for the individual to continue to expect
that, even after he has begun to develop tools that will allow
him to do these things for himself.
We see this issue most often in the area of homework. Children
are used to having a great deal of help and having someone "right
there" with them while they do it. They may be used to using their
reading or writing difficulties as an excuse not to do homework
at all. Using their new skills can be time and energy consuming
at first, and because working independently is a change, many
children rebel against it. The students may continue to use "old
habits" to get out of their work, or get someone else to do it
for them.
Old habits die hard for family members, too.
Parents are used to protecting their children from failure and
poor self-esteem related to homework. The coping strategies that
families develop are important and valuable, but must be let go
of as the child's academic abilities increase.
We find that that is hard sometimes for parents to shift their
view of their child from being severely reading disabled to being
able to do some parts of their homework on their own. This is
especially true because children often rebel most about becoming
independent and doing their work at home. It is critical that
as individuals are able to do more, they be allowed and expected
to do so. This is the only way that their skills will really become
independent tools for them, and even more importantly, that they
will begin to view themselves as competent learners.
Turning Homework
Over To The Student: Encouraging Independence
Adopt the motto that Homework is not an Option . It is not a personal
issue. It is not a relationship issue. It
is simply what school children do. It is not an option,
so whether or not to do it does not bear argument or discussion.
- Make homework as
routine as possible. Have a specific time and place
for homework to be done.
- Find out
from the teacher exactly what your child can be expected to do
independently. Help your child get started if needed
but have him complete the assignment on his own. Be available
to help, but work with your child on asking you very specific
questions as opposed to saying, "I don't get this."
- Reinforce
your child's attempts at independence with praise
and social or tangible rewards if necessary.
- Calmly
but firmly insist that the homework be completed.
(If the amount or difficulty is reasonable, work with the teacher
to make daily homework appropriate to your child's independence
level). Help your child understand that if he is procrastinating
on his homework, he is choosing to give up play
or TV time. However, parents do not need to choose for their own
time to be wasted as well.
- If your
child is very dependent on your presence in order
to work, wean him/her away from this by setting a timer and coming
in to check on him every 5 minutes at first; then gradually increase
the time. Or, have the child do one item with you, then complete
the section on his own. He may come to you to get started on each
new section as needed.
What happens
to a family when a non-reader becomes a reader?
...With patience, firmness and encouragement, the parents get out
from the homework burden.
...The individual becomes a more productive and confident student
or worker.
...The relationship between the past non-reader and his/her family
becomes less dependency-based, perhaps opening the door to some
exciting new ways of relating.
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